One Night in Rwanda

As you may have heard, Paris Hilton recently announced that she will be traveling to Rwanda in order to promote good causes. Here is a conversation with her publicist that I was able to obtain.

 

Publicist: Paris, I need you to understand that Rwanda and Beverly Hills are very, very different.

 
Paris: I want to see a monkey!

 
Publicist: Alright, I believe we can make that happen. But you must realize that the country is still pulling out of really hard times and-

 
Paris: I believe that if I go I can make their lives better. I want all the little boys and girls to touch my hair, so that they know what it’s like to be me.

 
Publicist: Paris, the purpose of your trip shouldn’t be to make them jealous. These people are still feeling the aftershock of genocide, and I’m sure that you’re hair is the last thing on their minds.

 
Paris: I just feel they identify with me though, because I was in prison and they are sort of in prison, because islands are surrounded by water. The water is like bars.

 
Publicist: Rwanda isn’t an island, Paris.

 
Paris: But Africa is, and Rwanda is in Africa!

 
Publicist: Paris, do you actually know what Africa is? 

 
Paris: Monkeys…

 
Publicist: OK, Paris, if you do in fact go to Rwanda, you have to let me do ALL of your talking. You won’t accomplish anything by letting the children touch your hair. You actually have to use your celebrity to raise awareness.

 
Paris: Deal, I won’t talk one bit. Can I dance?

 
Publicist: If you’re clothed, yes.

 
Paris: Can I sing?

 
Publicist: No.

 
Paris: One last question, what’s the weather like?

 
Publicist: When you’re there, it’ll probably be in the nineties and humid.

 
Paris: That’s hot.