Still exists, apparently

August 11, 2009

I found out through an email today that this blog still exists. I could’ve sworn I deleted it, but I guess it turns out you can’t delete a WordPress blog. Oh well.

Time Travel Story

November 25, 2008

Visit Yankee Pot Roast and read my poorly written, highly offensive story about pilgrims and such.

Click this different-colored text to go to the story.

No Match for Beijing Smog

August 14, 2008

I laughed pretty hard while reading this, which is a small miracle since my median ventral prefrontal cortex is more or less a pile of applesauce after living under power lines my whole life. Good work, Harvard Lampoon.

1. No freshman shall act in a manner unbecoming of a scholar.

2. No freshman shall speak to his senior with his hat on.

3. No freshman shall lean at prayers but shall stand upright.

4. No freshman shall wear his hat in the College yard except when it rains, snows, or hails, or if he be on horseback and hath both hands full with corn, sow feed, or the like, or if he be whipping of his Indian.

5. When a freshman returns to his lodgings and finds that his seniors be baiting a bear within, he shall not conceal his sharpest spears but bring them forth, even if he and his fellows wish to go a-baiting on the morrow.

6. No freshman shall wear his hat while sleeping, except if he put forth a sound reason for doing so, for example, that his head gets cold.

7. At no time shall a freshman beat merrily upon his drum or blow saucily upon his fife, least of all during the hours in which he and his fellows are studying that perfect race, the Greeks.

8. No freshman shall wear his hat at almost any time, yet still it is necessary for him to have a hat.

9. When a freshman is told to go inside a cage, he shall not ask his senior impertinent questions or stall him with an escaping rush but instead shall climb up of his own accord and sing the song that has been taught him, “I Am a Fearful Cage-Bound Boy, Mother,” whilst swinging mournfully back and forth.

10. No freshman shall write his lower case “S’s” as “S’s” but instead shall write them as long and fancy “F’s.”

11. No freshman shall ever be without barrel staves, lest his senior should request a barrel be built him and find the freshman lacking in supplies.

12. When the howl of wolves outside the College gates becomes most loathsome, and the chill of winter freezes dread into the heart and ice onto the eyes, and the Indians which do toil in our fields have most bewilderingly slipped off, leaving us no choice but to sadly starve; during such a time as this, no freshman shall mock his senior for the shedding of tears, but shall instead shed tears along with him, and together, we shall all long for that happy day upon which we return to England.

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